


Slowly

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Angst, Death, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-27
Updated: 2003-12-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 13:54:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4438040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A song-fic, based on "Slowly" by Tricky</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slowly

**Author's Note:**

> Written 7/10/03 @ 2:14 am, after a night of insomnia and nightmares. Please accept my most humble apologies for frightening any of you. Thanks to my partner in crime, Nolweinya, for her support and beta-ing of sorts.
> 
> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the Monaboyd.net Archive, which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years . To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile.

Title: Slowly  
Author: Eldaduin (a.k.a. Melweinya)  
E-mail: pippinhobbit@hotmail.com  
Pairing: DM/BB  
Rating: NC-17  
Summary: A song-fic, based on “Slowly” by Tricky.  
Archive: Just tell me.  
Feedback: Creative feedback is welcome, but flame me and a band of wood  
Elves shall descend upon you and fire at will.  
Spoilers: N/A  
Warnings: Angst, pain, self mutilation, character suicide. Not happy thoughts.  
Disclaimer: The usual. I do not know these boys or any one associated with  
LOTR. I do not claim to know anything about them. I certainly do not make money from this crap either.  
Notes: Written 7/10/03 @ 2:14 am, after a night of insomnia and nightmares. Please accept my most humble apologies for frightening any of you. Thanks to my partner in crime, Nolweinya, for her support and beta-ing of sorts.

 

“Tuck your hair behind your ears  
Your tears, your silly fears  
I'd be your Teddy bear  
You'd choose the clothes I wear  
With you I had so much pain  
Shot glass migraine  
For you I'd lose my focus  
Swim in a swarm of locusts  
For you I'd swim with ease  
Save the planet, leave the trees  
Hold me, hold me, hold me  
Forget what you told me  
Slowly, slowly, act like you know me.”

 

 

The song drifted across the room nearly inaudible. Billy heard it though. He heard everything, amplified a thousand times. Time stood still as he gazed into the mirror. The gaunt, tired face staring back at him should have startled him. It didn't. Nothing much startled him anymore. Nothing much made him smile, laugh, or talk anymore. He felt it was all he could do to keep breathing. But wait, that hurt too much too. "Hold me, hold me, hold me, forget what you told me." Yes. Hold me. And please, forget what you told me. He slumped over the bathroom sink sobbing. It had all finally hit him. It was over. When he was too tired to cry anymore he sat there. Still, ever so still. "Slowly, slowly, act like you know me." Then the memories invaded his head.

"God, I love you so much it fucking hurts Billy. I love the way you smell like a dying autumn night, the way you consume me…" Dominic rasped into Billy's ear as their hot sticky bodies collided. It felt like the only time he had ever been alive, really been alive. After all these months of longing...waiting, and finally the stars crossed and here they were together. Dominic and Billy, Bill and Dom. The most inane thoughts rushed through Billy's head. Then, oh then, such an explosion. Stars and breathing. And black. Then only you. "Only you Billy, only you." Dominic kept repeating into Billy's ear until they fell asleep. That was the first time...the first time he loved. Truly loved.

The dripping brought him back to the present. Confusion played on his face. He looked around and realised he was sitting on the floor. He looked at the sink. Then he looked at his wrist. "Oh. I did it. Well, sort of." he thought. The razor hadn't gone in far enough to do much damage, but the dripping blood was somehow satisfying to him. Satisfied. Maybe that was how Dom felt when he finally said it. Perhaps. He closed his eyes and the memories returned. Oh the memories of those wonderful past years. The happiest of his life. But he should have known better...nothing golden can stay after all. Silly games, quiet nights alone together, loud nights together but not alone, hobbits, kissing in the woods...and a million other happy thoughts to flood his stomach with warmth. As his face grew paler he smiled gently. Deeper. Darker thoughts now..."No Billy, we can't tell the others! We just can't." "No, don't kiss me now...they might see." And the yelling, why was Dom yelling? Billy seemed to go deaf momentarily. He reached out to wrap his arms around Dom. "Godamnit Billy! I said we can't do this anymore! It's tearing me apart!" He shoved Billy away. Hard. "But I love you Dommie, Oh my God I love you so much!" He tried once again to wrap his arms around him. Dominic shoved him in the chest. Billy hit the wall again and all the air rushed out of his lungs like a balloon deflating. Billy looked up and for the smallest fraction of a second their eyes met. A single tear escaped Dominic's eye. Then, he turned and left. He left.

That must have been days ago. Billy couldn't remember for sure. He hadn't eaten, hadn't slept. Dommie will call any time now and say it was all a big mistake. We can go back to before. He was just scared. I know it. "With you I had so much pain, shot glass migraine...for you I'd lose my focus..." Everything seemed to blur together. Billy looked down at his wrists. Deeper. The blood on the ceramic tile entranced him. So pretty. Drip...drip...drip. He looked like a china doll, beautiful and pale. So fragile, so easily broken. Then the cold came. If he had limbs he couldn't remember, couldn't feel. Calm washed over him like an ebbing tide. Then there was only Dom. Only Dom. Only you, forever you..."For you I'd swim with ease" The song drifted away and Billy was entranced. Entranced, so he followed it away.


End file.
